Hi!
Mau curhat aja sih. My therapist ((yes, I go to a psychologist)) said that nulis bisa dijadiin terapi buat ngilangin stress. Yaudah, here goes my story ya...
Being a psychology student menurut gue belakangan ini lumayan seru. Kenapa? Karena bisa konsul gratis sama psikolog di klinik belakang kantin HAHA. Gak juga deng. Banyak teori-teori menarik juga yang gue baca, salah satunya teori 5 Stages of Grieving by Kubler-Ross. Gue rasa 5 stages ini bener-bener lagi gue alamin. Tapi kalo versi Dhiajeng, 5 stages of move on HEM. (iya gue abis putus he he)
Oke menurut Kubler-Ross ada 5 step yang bakal lo alami sampe lo bisa mencapai acceptance dalam grieving lo. Dalam hal ini grieving gue putus.
((Sebagai mahasiswi psikologi mestinya gue mencantumkan sitasi sesuai APA dan gak boleh dari google, kalo bisa dari jurnal-jurnal ilmiah. But in this case gue terlalu malas jadi ngambil dari wikipedia aja yah definisi nya :p ))
Denial — As the reality of loss is hard to face, one of the first reactions to follow the loss is Denial. What this means is that the person is trying to shut out the reality or magnitude of their situation, and begin to develop a false, preferable reality.
Dalam fase ini gue juga kayak sempet gak percaya kalo gue putus. huft. Terus yaaa jadi selama beberapa bulan kita masih deket banget, masih kayak orang pacaran deh. Sempet juga dia ngajak balikan tapi gue nya waktu itu gak mau karena merasa banyak pertimbangan dan masih perlu waktu.
2nd stage: Anger
Anger — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; '"Who is to blame?" Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Anger can manifest itself in different ways. People can be angry with themselves, or with others, and especially those who are close to them. It is important to remain detached and nonjudgmental when dealing with a person experiencing anger from grief.
Hmm kalo gue kebalik, gue step bargaining dulu. Tapi gue juga udah mengalami step anger sih. Di fase ini gue merasa kesel karena ngerasa semua yang dia bilang itu bullshit haha. Gue ngerasa kayak anjir dia cepet bgt move on nya. Bayangin nih, gue sama dia abis putus itu kayak masih deket gitu kan selama beberapa bulan... Terus setelah beberapa bulan tersebut gue dan dia lost contact. Diitung dua bulan setelah kita lost contact itu, dia udah jadian lagi. Padahal dulu dia putus dari mantannya sebelum gue, move on nya lama bgt sampe 2 taun. Terus dia sempet bilang dulu pas masih jadian, yang intinya: dulu aja pas sama mantannya yang 4 bulan move on nya 2 taun, gimana sama gue yang udah setaun? Dan ternyata....... cuma 2 bulan sampe dia jadian lagi. Oke cukup tau aja ha ha. Yaa jadi gue ngerasa kesel aja gitu bisa percaya ke-bullshit-an dia.
3rd stage: Bargaining
Bargaining — "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if…" The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow undo or avoid a cause of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Other times, they will use anything valuable as a bargaining chip against another human agency to extend or prolong the life they live. Psychologically, the individual is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just do something to buy more time…" People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example "Can we still be friends?" when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it is a matter of life or death.
Gue mengalami stage ini sebelum anger. Gue anggap stage ini tuh saat gue yang minta buat balikan karena gue ngerasa oke, gue ngerasa udah siap dan gue udah butuh cukup waktu. Namun apa daya, saat gue ngerasa siap dan pulih, dia juga kembali ke rasionalitasnya dan ingin menikmati kehidupan barunya :)
4th stage: Depression
Depression — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die soon so what's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?" During the fourth stage, the grieving person begins to understand the certainty of death. Much like the existential concept of The Void, the idea of living becomes pointless. Things begin to lose meaning to the griever. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and sullen. This process allows the grieving person to disconnect from things of love and affection, possibly in an attempt to avoid further trauma. Depression could be referred to as the dress rehearsal for the 'aftermath'. It is a kind of acceptance with emotional attachment. It is natural to feel sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty when going through this stage. Feeling those emotions shows that the person has begun to accept the situation. Often times, this is the ideal path to take, to find closure and make their ways to the fifth step, Acceptance.
Nah, sekarang gue merasa gue sedang dalam stage ini; depression. Gak depresi depresi amat sih, tapi... gue ngerasa sekarang self-esteem gue lagi turun banget. parah. huhu.
Setelah dia jadian dan step anger, gue jadi ngerasa "anjir berarti gue apaan ya dia yang biasanya susah buat move on, sama gue cuma 2 bulan terus jadian lagi". Terus gue kepoin cewenya kan, nah terus cewenya ternyata kaya cina gitu. Sedangkan gue lagi jerawatan gini ((Depok membunuhku huhuhu)), terus yaudah deh self-esteem gue jadi turun bgt. Yang biasanya gue pede-pede aja, sekarang jadi meratiin muka mulu, meratapi nasib, ngerasa gue kurang cantik ((huhu)) :"
Tp gue yakin kok gue akan semakin dekat dengan stage "acceptance" setelah gue melewati stage ini :)
5th stage: Acceptance
Acceptance — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." In this last stage, individuals begin to come to terms with their mortality or inevitable future, or that of a loved one, or other tragic event. This stage varies according to the person's situation. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief. This typically comes with a calm, retrospective view for the individual, and a stable mindset.
Ya jadi di step ini lo udah bisa menerima segalanya gidu. Udah 100% move on deh pokoknya. Gue yakin kok gue bisa menjalani semua stage ini dan akhirnya semua ini tuh bakal jadi proses gue buat menjadi manusia yang lebih baik ke depannya nanti :)
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Tapi lo tau gak cara cepet buat move on? Sebenernya tuh cara paling cepet buat move on emang dengan nyari orang yang baru sih HAHA. Tapi I find that... It's not about keeping score. Gue sebelumnya udah pernah dengan cara itu ((dan emang bener sih move on nya jadi lebih cepet)) tapi gue pengen sekarang lebih mendewasakan diri gue dengan tidak bergantung pada orang lain. Gue pengen gue bisa move on dari diri gue sendiri. It's all about process kok.
Ps. But now I find myself a little bit more picky :0
